Today, after mingling with these wonderful saints for several hours, greeting all with my shiniest grin, and engaging in animated conversations, why would he wait until we were leaving to point out what must have been the focal point for anyone looking at me. The bright green band across the front of my smile!
I thought I was done with pride but as I pulled myself together, I realized how many ways I am compelled to be humble. As we view old family photos, we are amazed that we did some of the things we did in our much younger days.
Elder Pierson asked if I would go back to those physically stronger, dewy-skinned days. I'm grateful for lots of fun memories but I have to admit that what I have gained emotionally and spiritually, I would not replace with a younger body. I would not take back the insecurities and "trying to find myself" days.
Turning 50 was revelatory. Competition and judgement of myself and others began to fade away. Advancing years bring more and more acceptance and peace. A mindset I couldn't find when I was young. I didn't know myself well enough. It takes decades but it is worth the wait.
Daily miracles resonate in my soul. In the past, my too-busy brain would have acknowledged much less the depth and breadth of the love I feel from my Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. I acknowledge my dependence in all things. I have so much more faith in the Lord's timing.
One recent miracle. At one point in our temple worship, we are required to participate without seeing the person asking certain questions. I am always a bit nervous when I reach this point because of my terrible hearing. In the Keiv temple, I realized that the voice to which I needed to respond spoke in a quiet whisper. I prayed hard that I would be able to hear the instructions. The voice was immediately amplified and I heard perfectly. A sweet peace washed over me. How blessed I felt.
I have experienced tons of potentially embarrassing situations since we began our missionary service. We have had our share of lurching metro cars sending us flying on the laps of stone faced Moscovites. In one case, our sweet friend Olga, an amply built sister, grabbed me for a hug at just the wrong time and we both piled on top of Elder P, who landed on three seated people. It took some time to pull us all apart. Without exception, when it is obvious that we didn't intend to do something so silly, gracious good nature takes over and everyone is smiling and laughing.
Our feeble attempts to speak Russian make us feel stupid but these good people applaud and act like they can understand.
My favorite play, "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder, captures the joy of life so beautifully. In a poignant scene, Emily, a young mother, dies in childbirth. She is given the opportunity to return to her life for one day. She chooses her 12th birthday but, seeing those she loves and the vitality of life, she realizes it is too hard and asks to return to post-mortal life. She asks,"Does anyone live every moment of every day?" The answer is no, no one does but we can!
We can embracing each moment, just as it is, bringing a fullness of love and joy. When we let go of pride, and feel grateful that the spinach in the teeth provided some laughter and connection with others, we see the goodness of the NOW! We concentrate on others, not ourselves. We care less what others think of us and more of how we can bless their lives. The ego diminishes and life is wonderful!
This week we toured Catherine the Great's dream home. Her insistence on perfection required a couple of tear-downs. Finally, more than a decade after beginning the structure, it was finally complete but, unfortunately, Catherine was dead. All of that anticipating for her life in the Palace and she never even moved in. Beautiful place to visit and a good lesson for us.
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